elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
How naked do you want me to be?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
