Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
