This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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