We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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