But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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