Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize