I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
