I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
