THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
