Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
