You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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