i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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