I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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