Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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