Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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