I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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