I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
