yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
