It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My bed smells like the plague
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
