im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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