I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
