there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Randomize
