He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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