Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
