i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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