We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
