Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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