Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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