enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence