I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes