Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.