she looked like the bat from fern gully.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate