if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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