"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This baby is an asshole
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
