You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
