she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
