More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
