OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
