How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
