I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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