found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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