i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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