I just threw up on my dentist
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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