Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
