new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
