on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize