Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
