just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
