I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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