Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
