Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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