I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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