I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
