Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
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you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
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Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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