Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
