I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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