How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
