im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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