You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
