Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
