I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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