Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
