when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
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