I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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