Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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