I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Blood and glitter go together right?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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