oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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