Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
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We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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