how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
