maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
