just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize