My friends, they love my intelligence
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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