Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Dicks are not precious.
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