In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
