She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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